ISAAC.
So what are you going to do?

WASP.
The same thing as I did before. Whiskey, cigarettes, secret ingredient—

ISAAC.
Not answering my phone calls.

WASP.
You deleted my number, remember?

ISAAC.
I lied. Still got it.

WASP.
I mean up until today I didn’t really think you’d be calling me anyways.

ISAAC.
Does James know?

WASP.
No.

ISAAC.
How is that even possible? He was in the same grade as us.

WASP.
She. Isaac. And . . . I don’t know. Janey’s forgetful. I lied.

ISAAC.
You lied about your birthday?

WASP.
She thinks it’s later in the year. I don’t really make a habit of sharing the information.

ISAAC.
Damn, you really like to go it alone.

WASP.
I can take care of myself. You should try it sometime.

ISAAC.
Yeah yeah whatever, Wasp. Don’t pretend like you didn’t miss me a little bit.

Wasp, ignoring him.

WASP.
I did it before. I’ll do it again. What more is there to know?

ISAAC.
It’s not the same. When they take you. It’s not the same thing. For one, they’ll expect you to be at the Altar.

WASP.
I’m gonna do it in the forest.

ISAAC.
They’ll go looking for you. The Reverend will definitely be on the prowl.

WASP.
Right, lest we forget your father-in-law the raccoon killer.

ISAAC.
Not just raccoons.

WASP.
I’ll take my chances. I’ll hide. I’m good at hiding.

Isaac gives them a look.

I am!

ISAAC.
Okay, so what if you can’t do it?

WASP.
If I have hands and a bottle of Coke, I can do it.

ISAAC.
Well what if they cut your hands off?

WASP.
What, the angels are going to come down, rape me and then cut my hands off? Pull my tongue out while they’re at it so I can’t scream?

ISAAC.
I’m just saying—what if you get incapacitated and then you can’t help yourself.

Wasp is silent.

You have to have a backup plan. You have to have . . . support. You know the story about the girl who didn’t go to The Altar. Well?

WASP.
Ah yes, the classic tale of the dumb bitch who didn’t do the ceremonial bath, who didn’t pluck her pubes for God, who didn’t do shit!

ISAAC.
Yeah. Sound familiar?

Wasp, intoning.

WASP.
The girl hid in the birch tree forest, and from the bright blue sky, the heavenly host flew down and through her like golden bullets of rape. Buzz buzz buzz. And being raped hurt so much that she had a change of heart! Maybe the cult was right all along! She staggered back into town and tried to get help at the Altar. She asked the Reverend for medical attention and he said, “You might be a child of God, but you chose to be a dumb whore! Pay for your sin!”

ISAAC.
He really has a way with words.

WASP.
So she waited in the parking lot for him to change his mind. She had no other options. And while she waited, the angel baby ate her from the inside out. No help came, so she bled out in the parking lot. And the cult came out as she was dying, collected the baby and then went back inside. And she was dead. The end.
A classic tale of the mistakes women make when they’re trying to maintain their bodily autonomy.

ISAAC.
Well what if she’d had a friend.

WASP.
I’m sure she had lots of friends, Isaac.

ISAAC.
Well what if she had a friend to do an abortion for her.

WASP.
That friend would be in just as much danger as her.

ISAAC.
Well what if the friend had special privileges because he was banging the Reverend’s daughter.

WASP.
I don’t think that’s a privilege, Isaac.

ISAAC.
I-I want to see it happen. I want to be there.

WASP.
So go ask Caroline. I’m sure she’d be more than happy to have you in the viewing room at the Altar. You’d probably get a reserved seat for “boyfriend of the sacrificial not-so-virgin.”